songs for you~

songs for you. sorry. still in "getting over him" mood.
but nyway lagu ni memang nice. i like~ u_u

mix~

FEELINGS.

LOVE.

HUMAN BEING.

*rules : 

 1. hormat perasaan aku.

 2. bergurau biar tengok tempat.

 3. dislike all gedik gurlz

 4. treat me as a girl even i have a boyish attitude.

nowadays orang dah jadi tak sensitif dengan perasaan orang lain.... *sigh*

Two years~

sedar tak sedar dah dua tahun lebih peristiwa tu.
baru kini aku sedar yang aku tak boleh terima keadaan ni.
he is so special to me. when i said special i mean it. so so so special.
you can't imagine how special he was to me.
back to two years ago, i was happy with him eventhough i had someone in my heart but he is the best.
he always there for me when i really need someone.
he always advice me and guide waht to do when i have problems.
we always support each other in anything we do.
and the most important thing is he was there besides me, always, lebih-lebih lagi masa aku putus cinta rasa nak tercabut nyawa dulu.

i miss this sweet memory time. aku tak rasa perasaan ni bila hangout dengan orang lain. it's different with you.

no one can ever replace him.
i really miss the day bila kitorang hangout berdua.
but now he had his own life now.
he has a girlfriend but he has totally change.
aku dah jadi jauh sangat dengan dia.
bila aku ade problems or nak share something happy dengan dia aku kena fikir berkali kali.
sebab takut girlfriend dia jeles nanti.

paling aku terasa, bila hari tu konvoi raya aku ada amek gambar berdua dengan dia.
tapi bila upload kat FB dia langsung tak masukkan gambar tu.
kenapa sampai macam tu sekali?bukan ke girlfriend dia kenal aku, tahu kedudukan aku di sisi dia?
but nevermind. aku rela berundur demi kebahagiaan dia.

for you, i really miss you and our happy time together.
i may sound selfish but i really hope that i can have you back like before.
ini bukan bermakna aku cintakan kau tapi aku cuma rindukan sahabat baik aku.
aku cuma perlukan someone yang really really understand me.
even aku hangout dengan girlfriends aku, tapi mereka tak sama dengan kau.
sebab bila aku dengan kau aku feel secure and happy even aku ada problems.

and now i've realise that our friendship is not worth it for you to protect.
you rather lost your bestfriend forever than your girlfriend.
but for me, you always there in my heart and no one can ever replace you even if i have a boyfriend.
aku masih dan akan sentiasa anggap kau bestfriend aku.
dan aku akan sentiasa ada kalau kau perlukan bahu untuk menangis seperti dulu dulu.

my future~

sejak-sejak dah habis diploma ni dalam kepala aku sekarang pikir pasal masa depan.

aku pun tak tahu aku ni nak jadi apa.

sebelum ni aku ikut je flow hidup aku.

apa yang aku dapat tu la yang aku belajar.

apa mak abah suruh buat tu la yang aku buat.

tapi bila dah umur 21 ni semua nya dah kena pikir sendiri.

mak abah pun dah tak masuk campur sangat pasal masa depan aku.

yang diorang nak aku ada kerja tetap je.

kalau dulu asyik push aku asyik tanam dalam otak aku jadi doktor.

tapi sekarang diorang dah tak kisah.

mintak maaf mak abah sebab tak dapat jadi doktor.

anak mu ini memang bengap sains. HAHAHA

tapi abah ada la nasihat jugak suruh mintak SPA tu.

dia suruh isi SPA tu sebab SPA senang.

nanti kerja dengan government dah senang hidup. dah ada pencen.

then dia kata sambung degree tu boleh buat time kerja nanti.

buat PJJ atau part time belajar macam abang aku.

tapi abang aku pulak target aku untuk masuk program pensyarah muda.

aku tertarik jugak dengan rancangan abang aku tu.

lagipun aku memang nak sambung degree.

hmm tapi kewangan je la masalah aku.

hmmmmm......tak tahu pulak aku being a grown up could be so difficult.

aku dah tak tahu apa yang aku inginkan dalam hidup sekarang ni~

it's hard isn't it?

Don't break my heart slow

I like the way you wanted me 
Every night for so long baby 
I like the way you needed me 
Every time things got rocky 

I was believing in you 
Was I mistaken do you mean 
Do you mean what you say 
When you say our love could last forever 

But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie 
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye 
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know 
But baby don't you break my heart slow 

I like the way you'd hold me 
Every night for so long baby 
I like the way you'd sing to me 
Every time the things got rocky 

I was believing in you 
Was I mistaken do you say 
Do you say what you mean 
When you say our love could last forever 
 
Cause I'd rather you be mean than love and lie 
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye 
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know 
But baby don't you break my heart slow 

You'd run around and lead me on forever 
While I stay at home still thinking we're together 
I wanted our love to last forever

love this pain

She's no good for me, I know that she's a wildflower
She's got a restlessness, a beautiful mess thing about her
But here I am again, calling her back
Letting her drive me crazy

It's like I love this pain a little too much
Love my heart all busted up
Something bout her, we just don't work
But I can't walk away
It's like I love this pain

It's just an on again and off again situation
It's a striking match, a tank of gas combination
But here I am again lighting it up
Knowing that she'll just burn me

It's like I love this life, where nothing's right less something's wrong
It's like I'm just not me If I can't be a sad sad song

It's like I love this pain
It's like I love this pain


*in my case, 'she' changed to 'he'. Life is hard.

he was a history

ok i'm happy.
why?
we chat using yahoo messenger about 30 minutes ago.
it has been a long time i didn't hear any news from him.
and suddenly his chat box pop out on my screen.

i do miss him a lot.
i was in love with him.

but today, no heart beat as always.
maybe because my feelings toward him has gone.
or maybe because i left my heart to someone who doesn't love me.

love is sucks man~
shoot!

i wish i could turn back time~

aku nak buang otak aku ni then gantikan dengan otak baru leh tak?
sebab aku dah tak nak ingat segala benda lama yang pernah aku buat dulu.
aku nak lupakan kenangan silam.
aku nak start hidup baru.
aku dah tak nak ingat langsung apa yang terjadi masa aku masih budak2 hingusan.
tapi nak start new life pun tak boleh sebab kenangan silam aku asyik datang menghantui aku.
aku dah tak tahu nak buat apa.
kadang2 tu aku rasa nak kembali masa zaman aku naif tak tahu apa-apa.
then aku nak jadi budak yang baik je.
supaya no regrets at all bila aku dah besar.
tapi tu semua hanya angan2 je.
benda tu takkan boleh berlaku.
so apa yang boleh aku buat supaya aku tak ingat lagi pasal benda2 silam aku ni?
hmmm.......aku cuma nak buang kenangan pahit aku je.

the truth~

The truth is I never had a real date and a real love~

I wish someday I will have them both~

I wish I could be like them in this video too. So sweet! ^_^

Appreciate~

"At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away.

It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.

What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be." 

move on~

move on and overcome my feeling towards him? It takes time to forget someone you loved....lebih lebih lagi setelah dia kecewakan kita....

aku tahu aku selalu cakap nak move on but i keep writing bout him in this blog right? Please don't blame me...it's all because i am just a normal human being....

everyday i remind myself to just forget about him but in that single each day my mind would remind everything about us about him and all about what happened in that last one and half year....

it makes me sick!

aku sakit bila tengok dia telah punya pengganti yang mampu buat dia tersenyum kembali....

rasa sakit macam aku break up with my first love dulu....

seriously aku dah lama tak rasa sakit yang macam ni....sakit yang teramat sampaikan nak tengok dia pun aku tak mampu dah....

sakit yang sampaikan aku mengambil masa yang lama untuk lupakan dia.....

then bila sakit tu dah terubat sikit aku mula rasa balik tapi dengan orang yang lain pulak....

aku rasa macam kena sumpah tak dapat kecapi kebahagiaan seumur hidup je....tapi itu tak mungkin sebab ALLAH dah sediakan pasangan untuk setiap manusia.....

so all i need to do is just sit back, relax and wait for the right one come to me right?

i'll try my best to get over him...i'm totally a liar if i'm going to say i'll forget him because i know i won't be able to do that so i decided to just get over him, smile to him and move on with my life......

i know i'm such a loser....tak salah kan jika kita lepaskan orang yang kita sayang tu untuk lihat dia bahagia? walau apa pun jauh di sudut hati aku ni aku tetap akan tunggu dia sehinggalah berpisah jasad dari roh...walau sebesar zarah penantian aku ni, aku tetap simpan impian sebesar zarah aku tu dalam hati aku....

mine - taylor swift

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag 20 friends. (Random)

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

6. Tag me back so that I get to see (self added) ;)

Here goes:

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

two is better than one - boys like girls ft. taylor swift

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

andai ku tahu - ungu

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

 i know u want me - pitbull

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

stop and stare - one republic

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

aku cinta allah - wali band

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

kekasih gelapku - ungu

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

 imma be - black eyed peas

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

ya allah - wali band

 9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

this instant - sophia fresh

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

the anthem - pitbull

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

tercipta untukku - ungu

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

all the right moves - one republic

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

let me see it - get cool ft.petey pablo

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

berikan aku cinta - ungu (tepat!)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

if we ever meet again - katy perry - timbaland

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

lovely day - park shin hye (korea)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

sha la la - ost full house

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

so what - pink

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

kissing u - miranda cosgrove

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

love the way u lie - rihanna ft. eminem

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

find your love - drake

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

mine - taylor swift (mmg kena)

nyesal tak tukar folder dalam winamp ni....hahaha

PERANGAI MANUSIA vs. HIKING

bak kata pepatah rambut sama hitam tapi hati lain-lain...

pepatah ni patut dah kena tukar kepada rambut lain-lain begitu juga hati manusia...haha

yela sekarang ni manusia dah ada macam-macam warna rambut kan....

so pepatah tu dah kira tak boleh guna zaman sekarang ni...

tapi hati lain-lain tu memang betol...

macam sekarang ni kawan-kawan aku ada je yang main backstabbed kawan sendiri....

padahal hari-hari hang out sama-sama, mintak tolong itu ini tapi still nak mengata di belakang...

aku pun tak tahu apa yang mereka nak.....

memang susah nak puaskan hati semua orang kan?

kawan yang dah lama kita kenal pun boleh jadi musuh disebabkan rasa tidak puas hati ni....

nak duduk semeja setel benda ni memang takkan terjadi la sebab masing-masing akan cakap tiada apa-apa di depan masing-masing tapi bila di belakang pot pet pot pet.....haisshhh

lantak korang la nak buat apa-apa pun di belakang aku....

lagi pun ada berapa hari je lagi tinggal untuk aku blah dari uitm ni....

lepas ni aku harap tak jumpa korang yang sentiasa tak puas hati dengan orang lain.....

walaupun kemungkinan besar kita akan jumpa di shah alam untuk degree tapi aku rasa aku tak boleh nak berjumpa dengan korang lagi.....

bukan aku lupa diri tapi aku nak cari suasana baru kawan baru dan juga aku tak tahan dengan perangai korang tu......

nyway just let them be and forget about them.....

on 9th november 2010 i had the best memories......

aku pergi hiking di lata puteh, selama, perak.....

konvoi 6 kereta seramai 21 orang (15 teruna, 6 dara)

memang best gila la....

pergi hiking sendiri2 tanpa ada guide or instructor....

mencari track sendiri sebab tempat tu langsung tak ada track.....

segalanya kami lakukan sendiri.....

memang terasa diri ni dah dewasa.....

baru aku sedar yang aku dah nak masuk 21 tahun dan bakal melangkah ke fasa seterusnya di dalam hidup...

memang best, gempak, seronok, penat dan 1001 rasa lagi la yang aku rasa.....

it's the best memories before aku graduate....

at least jiwa aku tenang sikit bila berjalan dalam hutan tu.....

syukur alhamdullilah kami selamat pergi dan selamat balik dengan jayanya walaupun ada yang kena jahit tangan la lutut bengkak la tapi semuanya masih dalam keadaan normal......

10/11/2010 = hari ni diorang ajak pergi pulau pangkor tapi aku tak dapat ikut atas sebab-sebab duit tidak mencukupi + sangat penat + kaki sakit lagi.....

*berharap hari-hari aku sentiasa indah tanpa ada kenangan silam yang datang menghantui.....